How to Be a Good Queer Ally

A little message for our cishet friends and allies.

Educate Yourself (Without Expecting Queer People to Teach You)

Ways to educate yourself:

• Read books and articles about LGBTQ+ history and issues.

• Follow queer activists, educators, and organizations.

• Watch documentaries and listen to podcasts from LGBTQ+ voices.

• Research the meaning behind different identities, pronouns, and terminology.

What not to do:

• Ask invasive personal questions about someone’s identity or experience.

• Debate a queer person’s lived experience as if it’s an academic exercise.

• Expect LGBTQ+ people to do all the work of explaining issues to you.

Respect & Use People’s Pronouns and Identities

What you can do:

• Introduce yourself with your pronouns to normalize their use (e.g., “Hi, I’m Alex, and I use he/him pronouns”).

• Use gender-neutral language until you know someone’s pronouns (e.g., “partner” instead of “boyfriend/girlfriend”).

• Correct yourself and move on if you make a mistake. Don’t over-apologize or make it about your guilt—just fix it.

What not to do:

• Refuse to use someone’s pronouns because it’s “too hard” or “not what you’re used to.”

• Out someone without their consent. Just because a person is open about their identity with you doesn’t mean they are with everyone.

Challenge Homophobia & Transphobia—Even When Queer People Aren’t Around

Ways to stand up against discrimination:

• Call out homophobic or transphobic jokes, even from friends and family.

• Challenge misinformation when you hear it (e.g., “Being trans isn’t a trend—it’s a real identity that has existed throughout history”).

• Support policies that protect LGBTQ+ rights at work, school, and in your community.

What not to do:

• Stay silent because it’s “not your place” to say something.

• Only speak up when it’s convenient or trendy.

Make Your Spaces Genuinely Inclusive

How to make spaces more inclusive:

• Avoid gendered language when speaking to groups (e.g., say “everyone” instead of “ladies and gentlemen”).

• Make sure queer voices are heard. Don’t speak over LGBTQ+ people in conversations about LGBTQ+ issues.

• Create clear boundaries in group settings (e.g., “We don’t tolerate homophobia, transphobia, or hate speech here”).

• Support businesses and organizations that uplift LGBTQ+ people.

What not to do:

• Assume inclusivity is just about adding a rainbow flag in June.

• Ignore subtle forms of exclusion (e.g., always assuming someone’s partner is the opposite gender).

Support Queer People Financially & Politically

Ways to support LGBTQ+ people:

• Donate to queer organizations, mutual aid funds, and activists.

• Vote for policies and leaders who support LGBTQ+ rights.

• Hire and promote queer people in workplaces and leadership positions.

• Support queer artists, creators, and businesses.

What not to do:

• Only support LGBTQ+ causes when it’s politically convenient or profitable.

• Assume your job is done just because you posted a rainbow flag on social media.

Accept That You Will Make Mistakes—and Be Willing to Learn From Them

How to handle mistakes:

• If someone corrects you, thank them instead of getting defensive.

• Take feedback as a chance to learn, not as an attack.

• Educate yourself rather than expecting queer people to reassure you.

What not to do:

• Say, “I didn’t mean it that way” instead of taking responsibility.

• Make yourself the victim when called out for harmful behavior.

Center Queer Voices — Not Yourself

How to center LGBTQ+ voices:

• Share and amplify content from queer activists and educators.

• Pass the mic to LGBTQ+ people instead of speaking over them.

• Support initiatives led by the community instead of trying to “fix” things for them.

What not to do:

• Expect praise for doing the bare minimum.

• Make LGBTQ+ struggles about your own feelings.

Final Reminder: Allyship Is an Ongoing Commitment

Being a queer ally isn’t just about what you say—it’s about what you do, how you show up, and how you keep learning.

Key Takeaways:

✔️ Educate yourself without relying on queer people to teach you.

✔️ Respect and use people’s pronouns and identities.

✔️ Speak up against homophobia and transphobia—even when it’s uncomfortable.

✔️ Make your spaces inclusive and welcoming.

✔️ Financially and politically support LGBTQ+ people.

✔️ Learn from mistakes and take accountability.

✔️ Uplift queer voices instead of centering yourself.

TLDR: Allyship isn’t a label—it’s a lifelong practice.